Perry at the Priory
In the summer of 2004 Pericles the Decoy Duck spent a month in The Priory to get over his worm and bird seed addiction.
This blog was originally set up to chronicle his experiences and the inevitable escape attempts.
However, it refuses to die.
The Characters
Pericles - Our Hero
Ron - a Lemming, Pericles's roommate
Bob - a discontented lizard
Dai - a Llama
Schrondinger - a Cat, Dai's roommate
Hermione - a Peking Duck
Thaisa - a Duck, Perry's sometime girlfriend
Doris - a Turkey, Matron at The Priory
Skippy - a dodgy Kangeroo
Sandi- a Great Dane
and
Ethel - a duckling who claims to be the fruit of Perry's loins
Friday, August 13, 2004
Day 16
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Ron and I have been lounging by the pool all day, catching a few rays, admiring the passing wildlife and pondering the mysteries of life.This was partly on account of it being Friday 13th and so neither of us was going to risk doing anything strenuous, but mostly on account of Ron already having put his back out during a yoga class and needing to lie down. I think he's been watching too many Yellow Pages adverts.
We kept getting odd looks from the other sunbathers and I overheard a few of them asking why I wasn't in the pool rather than beside it.
Which brings me to me to my Rant of The Day:
Who says Ducks have to LIKE getting wet????
Look at it objectively. Water is cold, messy, inconvenient, full of some pretty malicious microbes and WET dammit! Who in their right mind would want go paddling about in that?
OK, so Ducks are better equipped for this. We're waterproofed, streamlined and have a gastronomic preference for other, smaller aquatic wildlife but that's just something we do because we happen to be good at it. It's more of a career option than a lifestyle choice. If you don't believe me just try scattering some bird seed around the edge of a pond and see how quickly the ducks are out of the water, scoffing that seed.
The trouble is that there's not a lot we can do about the situation. Owing to global warming, ponds are drying up and consequently employment opportunities are dwindling. Walt Disney has a lot to answer for. People want to see their ponds populated with traditional daft-looking, damp ducks and they're not interested in any non-conformists. So there's no room for your forward-thinking fowl who wants to drag duckdom into the 21st Century.
I learned this as a young duckling at my first swimming class when I had my snorkel and wetsuit confiscated. "They'll get you nowhere son" I was told "Don't think it hasn't been tried".
Big business also conspires to keep us under the thumb of the traditionalists. My life just hasn't been the same since Damart stopped making waterproof thermal underoos and don't get me started on who got Clive Sinclair to abandon the development of a personal outboard motor in favour of the C5.
Having said all that, I'll admit I wasn't refusing to go in the pool on principle.
I refused because I knew Ron had just peed in it.
posted at 7:47 AM
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